i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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