i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
