Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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