fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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