Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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