very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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