Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
