You're completely useless in the revolution.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
as a side note pls kill me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
