Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
