So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
