shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to fling myself into the sun
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
