I wannas sexs uuuuu
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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