I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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