The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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