Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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