I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My cat gives me a boner
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
