just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
