he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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