you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I believe in your delicious
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
