She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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