It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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