Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
