Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
