he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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