Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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