I hate your face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
