so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
