it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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