This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
