Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We got so high we made milksteak
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You pole danced in your parka.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
