i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
