There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
