onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
