you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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