as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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