she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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