I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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