the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
