Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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