My liver just broke up with me...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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