Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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