question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
