so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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