you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
