at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
