Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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