Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Bring me that man meat
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
