Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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