I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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