It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
