Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
