A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
