got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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