come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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