you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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