thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
