everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
